DEAR HARRIETTE: Since August, I have committed myself to peace and happiness. Unfortunately, since doing this, every trial and trouble has been presented at my doorstep.
What are the best ways to handle tribulations while trying to remain in a positive and serene place mentally and emotionally? Any advice will be helpful.
— Searching for Happiness
DEAR SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS: I believe there is a Bible verse that says that the closer you get to being in union with God, the more obstacles will come before you.
To live in a constant state of peace takes a tremendous amount of discipline, focus and work. You have to be vigilant. So much of it is about attitude.
When bad things happen, how do you react to them? Practice observing what’s come into your life without responding right away. Stand back. Notice the person, situation or impediment that has shown up. Consider what it is, why it may be there and what lesson you can learn from it, then take action.
Often, the best response is no response. You can see whatever is before you for what it is, recognize that it is out of your control or not necessary to address and move on.
Sometimes you will have to deal with it. Then look for a way to handle the moment and leave honor on all sides of it.
Backing yourself or someone else into a corner can be dangerous and unnecessary, especially if your goal is peace. Take each situation one step at a time.
Do know that in the moment, taking this advice may seem impossible. There will be times when you don’t feel calm or peaceful.
Your goal should be to attain that peaceful state as quickly as possible. You get there by believing in yourself, standing in your power and looking out at others with compassion and patience.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have worked for a small nonprofit organization for the past five years. This year, two people have been let go due to budget cuts.
My boss called me into the office last Friday to explain that she needs to reduce my salary but has given me more work. I enjoy working here, but having my salary reduced is putting me in a tight spot financially.
Should I speak with my boss about this even though I know she can’t pay me more?
— Salary Reduced
DEAR SALARY REDUCED: Don’t ask for something you cannot receive. That will only create more friction. Instead, think of what else you may be able to have.
Can you get a promotion in title for now and an increased salary later? Position yourself as invaluable, and ask to be acknowledged for that.
Ask for more paid time off. Be strategic because you know your boss needs you, but you also must take care of yourself. Ask for a week or two extra of time off in exchange for the reduced salary and increased responsibilities.
You may also want to start looking for a new job.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
